Lighter and Lighter

Inner Wisdom

2011-07-05T13:25:00.000-07:00

I needed some new running shoes. There's a store that has advanced technology and well-educated staff to analyze your feet, your stride, and the way your weight is distributed as your feet hit the ground. You run on a treadmill that has a monitor showing in precise detail what's happening with your feet. I waited in line for my turn on the treadmill. I've been buying running shoes for a long time, but I've never had any expert advice. For all I know, I could be slowly, gradually ruining my feet through uninformed shoe choice.

The man who helped me is not only a personal trainer but a kinesiology major. I ran in my socks for a few minutes on the treadmill, while he watched the monitor. He gleaned a lot of information for me about my feet. He printed out a report on what the machine had to say. This way, if I forgot anything, I could go over it again. When he was all done telling me the differences between my right foot and my left foot, which parts of the feet experience the most stress, and which parts of my idiosyncratic foot shape I would have to accommodate with a certain brand of shoe, he pointed out the shoes that were best for me.

The shoes that the machine and the kinesiology major selected for me were the very same shoes that I've been buying for the last 30 years. Oh, those. I guess I already knew about those. In one sense, this was kind of disappointing. I mean, I was really hoping for the revelation of some secret life-altering information. But after I'd thought about it for a while, I realized how heartening this was. I already knew what was best for my feet. You know how I knew? Those shoes, unlike some other shoes I'd tried previously, didn't give me blisters or hurt my toes. Inner wisdom is a good thing. Isn't it reassuring to know that we all have it already installed as basic equipment?

The Faux Bois Path to Real Joy

2011-06-24T13:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I visited the Huntington Library, Art Collections, and Botanical Gardens near Pasadena and a high school friend, Terry Eagan, who has been working there for over a year. This 600-acre property was once a ranch belonging to Henry E. Huntington, who amassed a fortune through electric rail, real-estate development, and utilities. He used his fortune to collect books; his wife Arabella collected art. The property is now a non-profit institution that houses a massive research library, art collections, and breathtaking gardens.

Terry grew up in Sierra Madre not far from the Huntington. He remembers that he was always fascinated by faux bois, or the sculptural form of concrete made to look like wood. Specifically, he remembers a faux bois boardwalk from his childhood neighborhood that interested him and the gigantic concrete tree for the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse in Disneyland. After high school, Terry trained as a commercial artist and moved to the Seattle area, where he painted billboards and later constructed sets. While he generally enjoyed the work, there were some lean years and tough times finding jobs. Through the years, he maintained an interest in faux bois, even teaching himself more about it by constructing a set of outdoor furniture that was once exhibited in an art gallery.

Fast forward to the early 2000s, and Terry moved with his wife and youngest son back to his hometown, Sierra Madre. During a visit to the Huntington with his family, he noticed that the extensive faux bois (arbors, railings, and more) that had fallen into decay. He asked a docent about this. The docent said the Huntington had been searching unsuccessfully for a faux bois expert for years. Terry replied that he might know just the guy.

Now Terry is working in a magnificent setting about 15 minutes from his house, getting paid to do what he truly loves. Since he started working at the Huntington, faux bois collectors have contacted him about restoring their pieces. And that may be just the beginning. There are faux bois installations all over the world in need of the skilled attention of someone who truly understands this art form.

Now really, think about this. A lifelong passion practically came to find him with opportunities. He points out that following his bliss took a really long time to start working for him. Ok. Sure. But still. There's some serious magic at work here. Sometimes he says he feels that the spirit of Henry Huntington arranged the whole serendipitous turn of events.

When you go to the Huntington, look for this happy man, who enjoys his work every day among some truly magnificent concrete trees.

Maybe you're thinking that that really cool thing that you love so much could not possibly support you. Too specialized. Not current enough. Not enough people know what it is. Too edgy. Too artsy. Or not real art at all. Really? Really? Are you absolutely sure about that? Consider Terry, the man who loves sculpting concrete structures that look like natural wood and works full-time doing just that. He emailed this quote to me this morning:

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."--Confucius

Learn more about Terry's work here.

Why It's Important to Breathe

2011-01-04T13:20:00.000-08:00

There are lots of reasons to practice relaxation. It feels better than being stressed and anxious, for one thing. But did you ever wonder why relaxation and deep breathing are emphasized in so many different disciplines from yoga and meditation to hypnosis, pain management, and natural childbirth?

Remember the last time a bear was chasing you? You were stressed and afraid, and your sympathetic nervous system was active. Your heart and respiration rates sped up, your digestive system shut down, your pupils dilated, and blood flow decreased to all organs not immediately necessary to save your life.

Now remember the last time you lay in the warm sun on the beach, feeling a gentle breeze caressing your skin. You were relaxed and calm, which activated your parasympathetic nervous system. Your heart and respiration rates slowed; your breathing deepened, fully oxygenating your blood; and blood flowed freely to all organs, allowing them to function at their optimal level.

Your sympathetic nervous system is designed to take over in emergencies. Trouble is, many of us get ourselves stuck in this emergency response, or in "fight, flight, or freeze" mode. Habitual worry, anxiety, and stress keep many of us in this emergency mode full-time, creating a pattern of responding to everyday concerns, such as like traffic, bills, and kids' behavior, as if a bear were chasing us.

So what's wrong with being in emergency mode all the time? On a purely physical level, stress is a factor in about 95% of all illness. When you have a physical problem and you're stressed and anxious, you experience more pain. Relaxation increases the experience of comfort. That's why relaxation is a critical component of hypnotic pain management and all natural childbirth methods.

Well, OK, a few physical problems might result from stress, but if you worry more, you're more likely to be successful and solve problems, right? Sorry, no. When you're in stress mode, you're in survival mode. Your whole nervous system is focused on simply keeping you alive. When your parasympathetic system is activated and you feel relaxed and safe, you also have more access to your creativity, problem solving ability, inspiration, self-healing , and innate well being.

What's the best way to deactivate the sympathetic nervous system and activate the parasympathetic nervous system? Breathe deeply and slowly. Take a long, slow, deep breath through your nose. Imagine breathing into your lower abdomen. Hold for a few seconds. Now breathe out, very slowly. Repeat that cycle. After one or two slow, deep breaths, you'll notice that you feel calmer and more relaxed. Keep practicing, and you'll notice you feel calmer throughout the day.

What Is Your Story About?

2011-01-03T08:44:00.000-08:00

When I was writing stories and novels, to create a new piece, my method was to first simply start writing. At this point, I had no information about what kind of story I was creating. As I wrote, I'd get an idea for a character and start filling pages with information about her or him--life history, key events of childhood, likes and dislikes, and so on. Along the way, information about the character's current situation would emerge--family, friends, job, challenges, home, etc. I wrote lots and lots of pages.

At some point, a central theme, issue, or concept emerged from all this writing. Now I could sum up the focus of what I was writing in a sentence or two, say, the story is about healing from grief or finding a purpose. A lot of what I'd written would not match this theme, so I would let those parts go. Other parts of what I'd written would work great with my focus, so I'd keep those and maybe develop them further. On the surface, the story might be involve an actress whose life onstage is more real and developed than her life offstage. Or the story might focus on a woman who listens to pop songs as a source of life guidance. Whatever story details I chose, they would support what I'd determined the story was "about." Once I had made this decision, writing suddenly became a lot easier and faster. Now I could decide much more easily what to include and what to leave out.

What do you want your life to be about? Sometimes we have a particular theme we're working on and that's what our life is about for right now. For instance, in this New Year, you might be working on creating a slim, fit body. If that's what your life is about right now, then you'd want the details of your story to support that theme. Your cabinets and refrigerator should support that story, so you can spend some time throwing away or giving away whatever doesn't match this goal and shopping for what does. What you read can support it too. Maybe you're reading success stories in magazines like this and online here. Maybe you'll join a group or enlist friends so that you're surrounded by people with similar goals. You're creating a world that supports your focus.

Many of my clients' lives are about writing. I encourage them to write at least a little every day and to regularly read in the genre they like best. Hanging out with and supporting other writers also helps.

If your life were a movie, and we watched what you do every day and listened to what you say, what would we say your life is about? Does this theme line up with what you want your life to be about? If not, maybe you're at the point in the development of your plot when it's time to let go of some activities, relationships, and thoughts. Maybe it's time to include some new activities, relationships, reading material, TV shows, songs, and thoughts (especially thoughts).

Even small changes can have a big impact. If there is something that you want to make your life about that isn't even part of your world right now, start small with a few minutes a day. See where it takes you!

Practicing Ease and Flow

2010-12-05T13:41:00.000-08:00

I have been a devoted (if not very advanced) student of yoga for the past couple of years. Before the class starts, the teacher reads a quote. Recently one of my favorite teachers read the quote, "Without struggle, there is no progress." She said this quote "really resonated" with her. We talked after class, and she said that what the quote meant to her was that struggling is an indication that progress is imminent. This "good news" interpretation makes struggle a welcome experience to her. When you look at it this way, struggle can be a positive experience.

I see myself as something of struggle expert. I can take the simplest glitch and turned it into an overwhelming obstacle. I have even found ways to struggle while doing something I really enjoy, making an easy, fun activity into a difficult, painful trial. I have practiced struggling all my life, and I feel that I have really got it down.

Right now, I'm practicing ease and flow, which I'm less familiar with. You know that experience of asking a question and having the answer come to you immediately? You know that sensation of wishing for something and then having it handed to you? What about those times when you do something just right the very first time? I welcome more practice with those experiences.

For months, I had been struggling in yoga class to do what was supposed to be a simple inversion, bakasana, or crow pose. I practiced balancing and worked on my arm and core strength. I put a lot of effort into this, attempting crow repeatedly every day. I fell a lot. One day I looked at a picture of a tripod headstand. Nothing fancy, just the kind with knees balanced on upper arms.

Now I'm paying special attention to easy success and flow and inviting them to join me in more of my activities, like Christmas shopping and standing half moon.

As Heard on the Mikey Show

2010-08-13T06:15:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, a new client came in to quit smoking. He was Steve Woods from the Mikey Show on 94/9. So cool! I got to be on the show the next day, and you can hear it here. Woods was the best possible smoking cessation client, because he was very ready to be free from his 19-year addiction. He is doing great!

Everything Is Hypnosis

2010-07-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

The other day, a client asked me for a definition of hypnosis. There are many. If you take my hypnosis certification course in September, one of the definitions you will learn is hypnosis is "a state or condition in which the client becomes highly responsive to suggestions." That would be in my office when you're all comfy and relaxed, and I'm having you imagine yourself achieving your cherished goal. And it could mean some other situations too--many other situations. Hypnosis occurs naturally every day. It's that brain state that happens when you are focused inward, emotional, or very relaxed. Factors that increase the likelihood that a message will take hold are rhythm and repetition; the status, confidence, and perceived believability of the person delivering the message; and the desire and motivation of the "subject" to accept the suggestions. When you're driving, you're often in this state of hypnosis. Have you noticed that the car is a great place to daydream? And if you happen to listen to the radio as you drive, you may find yourself susceptible to fear about the future, inspiration, or marketing, depending on whether you're listening to the news, a great song, or a string of commercials.

Get it? You don't have to have your eyes closed to be in hypnosis. It happens every day all day, and you are your most convincing hypnotist. You might have heard yourself think or say something like "I have an addictive personality," "Everyone in my family is overweight, so I am too," or "As soon as I make some money, something happens, and I have to spend it all." Or you may have heard yourself think or say, "I excel at everything I try," "I was born lucky," or "Every day is filled with opportunities."

When you hear others or yourself making suggestions that you don't wish to accept, reject them! You know how it is when a salesperson is trying to convince you to buy something? You have a choice: You can choose to be convinced, or you can say, "Thanks anyway," and walk away. You can do the same to your own thoughts and others' suggestions. First, though, you have to become aware that you're receiving suggestions.

Make a decision to be conscious of your own programming, and listen to what you think and say about yourself and others. It might help to write some of these thoughts down. When you become aware of a thought that is not serving you, rewrite it in an empowering way, and repeat the new statement out loud or in your mind. When you hear someone else saying something that you don't want to accept as true for yourself, counter it with another statement or thought that matches what you want to create in your life.

What I Learned from Refurbishing the Bathroom

2010-04-14T10:25:00.001-07:00

I discovered recently that our kids' bathroom was a complete nightmare. I guess I already knew, but I was hiding this knowledge from myself. You know how you do. For a really long time. Anyway, the dilapidated condition of the bathroom finally caught my attention: The paint was peeling; the old, hideous linoleum was curling up around the edges; and the huge, plain rectangular mirror over the two sinks was growing big, black splotches.

I had a design concept: 40s beach cottage. Instead of the strip of Hollywood lights that had plagued me for 19 years over the sinks, we'd have 2 vintage-style light fixtures, over two separate mirrors. The mirrors themselves would be twin ovals framed in wood, which would be painted a light teal as would the cabinets below (which were, at the time, dark-stained wood).

I hired Mark Lurie to help me with the bathroom. Now this kind of thing is way too teeny for Mark to waste his talent and experience on, but we went to the same high school, and lucky for me, that kind of connection goes a long way with some people. Mark took a look around the bathroom and said, "Easy. Really straightforward." I outlined my plan. No sweat. Except--oh--two light fixtures? Turns out, that's a little complicated when you've got that one central thingy with all the wires. OK, one light fixture sounds really good then. Mark pointed out that, in that case, I might want to rethink the two mirrors. Sure. One light fixture and a single mirror then with a painted light teal frame to match the light teal cabinets and to coordinate with the palest teal walls.

We met at Home Depot, where we found out that there are not that many choices in light fixtures as you might think. I favored the brushed nickel. Mark liked those too. I looked for one that had longish shades to cover the brighter (rather large) eco-friendly light bulbs. This narrowed my choices further. We found one with long shades--and lots of chrome. I wasn't planning on chrome, and it wasn't vintage in style. But OK. The salesman pointed out that the fixture could be hung two ways, shades up or shades down. After he left, Mark shook his head and said shades down was obviously the way to go. I agreed. The other way would be, well, upside down! We looked at tile and linoleum tile. I like tile. We compared prices. I chose linoleum. Now something tells me there used to be way more choices available in linoleum. There were about 8, and they all kind of looked the same. I narrowed it down to two and brought home samples of these as well as a lot of paint chips.

We forgot to look for mirrors. I looked online. Expensive! And the frame would have to be painted, of course. I consulted with the family and chose a color for the walls and a color for the cabinets. Easy. I showed the two linoleum tiles. My husband didn't care, but Caroline did. We went with her choice.

Back to the mirror. I wondered if we could salvage the old one by putting some kind of frame around it. Molding? Mark pointed out that this plan would require a lot of extra labor. Scratch that. He suggested that he could take the mirror to Mexico. He knows a guy. That sounded complicated, and as though it would take a long time. I looked again online. Ikea had a mirror in the right size for $100. Unfortunately, the frame was silver. Not even close to teal. But that's what paint is for, right? And painting is less labor than building from scratch and then painting. I drove down tot the store and looked at it. To my surprise, I loved the silver. And it would look so nice under that shiny, chrome light fixture!

I started to notice the way that even though I had a plan, it kept changing. I'd had to go with what was available, and in every case, I liked what I got better than what my original idea! I decided that the key to satisfaction is to know that what you end up with is just right, even if it's not what you thought you wanted.

Then the painting started. The walls were good. The cabinets looked really blue. Blue as in a boy baby's room--years after the boy baby had grown up and moved away. Or blue like an old plastic toy that had been out in the sun, because it broke years ago. I reviewed my new concept that what you end up with is a better choice than you could have planned. I squinted and looked at the paint again: Nasty. Maybe after a night's sleep, I would realize that it was perfect.

In the morning, the cabinets were glaringly blue. Like the blue of an old malfunctioning car that someone had repainted himself. I called Mark. "I'm not crazy about the cabinet color," I said. He replied, "It's awfully blue." Awfully. I went to Home Depot and got new paint.

Toward the end of the project, it was time for the light fixture to go up. I heard an exasperated exclamation coming from the bathroom. Then Mark said, "Sara?" I went to look. The lamp shades were too long. They would bump into the mirror frame. I said, "Turn it upside down." Mark considered, then said, "Good idea."

My revised philosophy about decisions is that what you end up with is often far better than you could have imagined ahead of time, unless it makes you queasy or bumps into something else, in which case you have to change it or turn it upside down.

Dream Clutter

2010-01-17T07:23:00.001-08:00

Two nights in a row, I have dreamed about my clutter. That's how bad it is. The first dream was about my closet. Someone was pulling stuff out of it (don't remember why), and I was mortified by the junk I had in there. I remember there was a stack of framed pictures of the same image in different sizes. I had bought these somewhere. The shameful thing about it was that I had so many of the same picture, which I obviously didn't need, as they were all stashed on my closet floor. I think this may have been about the fact that I still had a few Christmas presents in my closet that I hadn't had a chance to give yet.

Never mind the second dream, just more of the same.

So what am I going to DO about it, you ask? I already handed out those lingering Christmas gifts that were in my closet. Today, I'm going to get all my tax stuff organized. Anyone care to join me??

Space Clearing Magic

2010-01-10T09:45:00.001-08:00

I'm here to revisit a favorite topic, space clearing. I have some big-time clearing to do. Maybe you do, too. I'm starting with my office. January is a good time to clear space, as is any month.

You know what "THEY" say, your home is a reflection of your mind. Ack! Horrors! That's kind of scary in my case, so I'm going to transform both, beginning now. I'm inviting magic to fill the spaces I clear. I'll let you know how it goes!

Feel free to join in and post your successes in the comments!

Anchors Aweigh

2009-02-13T11:05:00.001-08:00

Those of you who have worked with me know all about anchors. An anchor is a neutral external stimulus that triggers an internal state. You remember Pavlov's dog and the bell, don't you? Yeah, that. Sometimes anchors trigger feelings we like that work for us, and sometimes, an anchor can bring up less desirable emotions. Almost anything can be an anchor. A tax form might trigger anxiety, and the sight of a tiny baby asleep in a fuzzy blanket might elicit feelings of tenderness.

Here's one for you. This is a recent photo of our dog.

Are you saying, "Awww, poor guy!" or having some other emotional response? If so, then chances are, you've had some experience with a sick or injured dog that had to wear an e-collar, and this image of our dog brings up the feelings connected with that earlier experience. (BTW, don't worry about Sammy. He's almost better now. The worst part, by far, for him was the collar.) The point is that an anchor is something you perceive that triggers an internal emotional state. Anchors can be visual, like the examples above, kinesthetic (such as the feeling of a nice warm bath or of a child holding your hand), olfactory/gustatory (your grandmother's perfume or macaroni and cheese from the school cafeteria), or auditory (maybe the sound of the little song on the ice-cream truck).

Now, sometimes anchors are triggered when we're least expecting it. Say, you're in an elevator, and you smell fresh lilacs. All of a sudden, you remember a long-ago summer barbecue and the boy you had a crush on when you were eight. Or you hear the sound of 3 sharp hand claps, and you're remember that feeling of getting in trouble in eighth grade.

Music can provide powerful anchors. Remember the scene in Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise is searching the radio for the right song to match and sustain his triumphant mood and finally settles on "Free Falling" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers? Advertisers know all about the power of music anchors. Ever notice how, when they want to sell a certain product, they'll use a song that is meaningful to their target audience? What about an audio/video combo that makes you laugh? Now that's a powerfully positive anchor! Check this out.

You can consciously and deliberately make those powerful music anchors work for you. Want to feel joyful, empowered, rich, focused, confident, or some other positive emotional state? Make a playlist of songs that trigger these feelings and play it for yourself anytime you want to change your emotional state to something that makes you feel good.

Happy New Year: Tools For Change

2009-01-01T15:13:00.000-08:00

Here we are in our New Year. Do you feel different? I keep forgetting that it's not a weekend.

The first day of the new year provides a perfect opportunity to begin to create new things, but remember you can create change any day. I have a few trusty tools that I count on.

With a spiral notebook, a pen, and some index cards, you can create a whole new life. The iPod helps it along, too. My notebook has three sections. One is for goals, and the other two are for the two main issues I'm working on. (Maybe you're working on changing more than two things, but choose the top two to get most of your attention, and the other issues will be surprisingly cooperative.) Every day, I write down my long-term, short-term, large, and small goals. This keeps me focused and on track. In the other sections I record changes. For instance, if one of my areas for improvement is clutter, I keep a list of what I let go. It feels good to see the list grow.

On the index card, I write action steps, or a to-do list, that I carry with me during the day. I check off each item as it's completed. That feels good too.

The iPod is for listening to motivating podcasts, hypnosis downloads, and audio books. These keep me motivated and give me new ideas.

I forgot to include my dear friend, the digital timer, but I think you know how I feel about that for keeping me going and setting limits: I am nothing short of grateful, devoted, and awed by its powers to keep me moving in the right direction.

For New Year's Day, you need one more tool. This is for luck and prosperity:

It's black eyed peas. (I know it looks like a picture from a menu in a sketchy restaurant. Sorry.) We had this for dinner tonight. I first heard about this tradition in 1990. The next day, my story collection and my first novel sold to a publisher. Maybe it was a coincidence, but I've kept up the practice ever since.

Out with the Old

2008-12-31T19:38:00.000-08:00

It's New Year's Eve, kind of a magical time just before the new beginning. The party we're going to starts late, so how to spend those precious last moments of the Old Year, while honoring the Fresh Start about to unfold? I'm sure you already know the answer to that question. Naturally, I decluttered the fridge. Now it's all ready to receive new nourishing goodness.

Tomorrow I'll show you my magic tools for transformation--almost as good as a wand, but you can buy them closer to home than Diagon Alley. Meanwhile, thank you all for the goodness and grace you have brought to me this year. I look forward to making more magic and miracles with you next year.

Clearing Christmas

2008-12-30T05:48:00.000-08:00

This is going today. The presents are already put away, but the tree, the ornaments, the wreath on the front door, the animated moose in the front yard, the cute little Christmas decorations that are all around the house are all going back into their boxes and into the garage. I love Christmas, but I'm ready to move on. In fact, I can't wait. I'm almost as excited about clearing it all away as I was about getting it out in the first place. As you know, when you clear something away that you're finished with, you create space for something new and wonderful to take its place.

After I get all the Christmas stuff put away, I'm going to focus on goals for 2009. I'll write them down in my notebook, which starts to set some magic in motion. But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, I need to clear to make space to create. Anyone care to join me? Send me an email or post a comment about your clearing process.

The Thing I Do Not Need

2008-12-28T06:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I took those 4 bags (see below) to Goodwill. The workers were busy with lots of cars lined up to let stuff go. "Do you take TVs?" a woman wanted to know. (They do.) I guess a lot of people decided to declutter after Christmas. After I'd handed over my bulging shopping bags, I moved on to return something at the mall. I was feeling lighter and lighter.

I can't quite explain what happened next. Maybe all those reports about DEEP DISCOUNTS got to me. Lately it seems that every newspaper, web site, and news program has been illustrated by big red signs in store windows that say "70% OFF!!" I keep hearing supposedly factual reports that "retailers are slashing prices," and that merchandise will never be this cheap again. That kind of story, repeated many times, can get a person revved up to buy. You don't think that's the point of all those reports, do you? Nah. Couldn't be.

Anyway, while I was at the mall, I bought an expensive Thing that I have always wanted. It's a high-quality Thing. There's nothing else like it on the market, although there are many imitations. Even though the Thing wasn't on sale, I bought it anyway. To my credit, I did hesitate for several minutes before I handed over my credit card. Well, wait, truthfully, most of the time leading up to the purchase, I was waiting for the manager to find out if there was another Thing in the back in a color I liked better. And while I waited for him, I was anxious that someone else might see my expensive Thing and scoop it up before I could pay for it, clutch it close, and lug it to my car.

I was halfway home before I realized I didn't need the Thing. At all. And it takes up a lot of space. I like it. I appreciate both its form and functions. I admire its durability and its versatility. But I'm taking it back. I got a little carried away. At least I snapped out of it before I used the Thing. It can happen to anyone, right? Please tell me it's happened to you.